Excerpt from My True Self, Chapter 37: A Pack of Lies

Like many other pros, I began my career as an amateur walker, starting early in life by walking to school, up to the store (and back), along many a lonely beach, and the occasional sidewalk.

Now, I am a Professional Walker. I make my living at it. Mainly, I walk for rich people who don't want to, or don't have the time. I don't walk dogs (except for fun). Say you signed up for a Walk-a-thon and then realize you are booked that day. That's when you call me. I charge up to $100 an hour— more, if I'm required to wear a name tag or impersonate you at any charity event. I've walked for some of the best: Captains of Industry, Hollywood Celebrities, even Minor Royalty. I've also walked professionally at various protest marches and in small-town parades, from Alaska to Ohio.

Perhaps my most interesting engagement was a commission for an elderly woman in Delaware. She had always dreamed of through-hiking the Appalachian Trail but tragically lost her legs in a shopping accident. I donned a helmet-cam and started the trek on Springer Mountain, Georgia. As I headed north, she was with me every step of the way thanks to a streaming video uplink. She could also direct me via a headset from the comfort of her living room, often urging me to quicken the pace, or turn my head this way or that. At one point she asked me to do a complete about face and I must admit to becoming somewhat annoyed. Surprisingly, when I did turn around, I came face to face with a rather large black bear. I did not charge her for the subsequent running, which seemed to be the most prudent course of action at the time.

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professional walkers association
soviet marchers of the world
faternity of swedish paraders
australian walkabout society